I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
