Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
