All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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