he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
not ubering you a puppy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
