Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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