We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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