You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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