Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
