I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
