I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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