he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
