i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
