I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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