omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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