I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
