you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
