you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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