I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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