so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
