Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
