I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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