Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
