I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
