It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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