We need to rekindle our bromance
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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