3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
