I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
