Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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