He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
