you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize