I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
