She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bring me that man meat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
