so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
