I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
