we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
