All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
