I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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