In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
