Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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