She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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