I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
