so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize