OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
