This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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