I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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