Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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