And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
