One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
