its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
