matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
