Apparently you make a good broom.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
