Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
