he puts the penis in happiness.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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