Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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