Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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