the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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