Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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