THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
