I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ttyl tear gas
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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