I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have fence marks all over my body
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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