I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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