the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
