hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
