Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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