Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
