i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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