dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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