I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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