fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are all done wearing pants today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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