McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
